so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
