I skipped work to stalk him.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
