i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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