Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
