Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
