the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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