I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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