I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
