I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
