Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
