erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
