He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
