i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
