Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
where am i from again
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
