he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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