We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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