Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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