I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
