you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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