Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I love you.
Bad choice
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
