Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
