Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
