I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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