I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
