It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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