I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize