Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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