He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
