sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
