I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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