somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
