i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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