so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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