I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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