You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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