yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
