life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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