I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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