you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
