butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
