i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
