its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
