every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
