I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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