you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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