Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
