you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
