when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
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