So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
There r osticjed everywhere
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
