What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
