morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
