matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
