You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
