Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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