He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I take back everything I said about communal showers
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
