Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
