We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
