i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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