I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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