I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Randomize
