I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
