You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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