i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
