babies were throwing up all over the place
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
