hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
