she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
