it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
