you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
